Saturday December 28th "What part have accidents played in YOUR life haha!"

Accidents will happen, as the great Elvis Costello, wrote in his 1978 song "Accidents Will Happen". [You don't say! - Ed]. But, Friends, have YOU ever thought what a part accidents have played in YOUR life?

Some days it seems like the local Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition is just packed from end-to-end with accidents. It's like people sometimes say, "Everything's going wrong today!" or "It's just been one of those days!", without realising that these "bad days" tend to be at least county-wide, if not even more extensive (!), and all fully documented in the paper, needless to say, by the paper's hard-working local "journos" (!!)

Look at this "doozy" of a story, from p.94 of this morning's paper, and you'll see what I mean!

And my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I just love these stories about dating sites, not because we use the sites (!), but because it gives us a chance to pick up on modern texting abbreviations, which we can then sprinkle our own texts with, and appear, at least superficially, to be "down with the kids" - a feeling we glory in, to put it mildly!

me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois - yes, we're

incredibly old (!), but we still like to feel that we're "trendy"

and "down with the kids", to put it mildly!!!!

Let's just analyse local wardrobe-buyer Mallory's personal dating-site ad a moment. [Must we? - Ed]

We're guessing "hot WM" must mean "hot white male" - Lois and I have stopped at Upton Snodsbury in the past to buy a Radio Times, and we've noticed that the town is stuffed full of not just WFs but also with WMs, although not particularly "hot" in either case (!), a lot of them "indifferent-to-hottish" at best (!),so that's probably what it means (?). Mallory is a WM and probably looking for another WM, and "28" could be his (alleged!) age. 

We google "VGL" and it means "Very Good-looking", but the second "WM" is a bit of a puzzle - is it just "white male" again? "WM" could just mean that he possesses a washing-machine - an important "plus", because it hints that his clothes will look (and smell!) fresh, on the projected "date" or exploratory drinks outing. But what do YOU think? Answers by Tuesday - postcards only haha!

But wait there's more - this second "doozy" from the "chapter of today's accidents" in this morning's paper:

Poor guy!!!  And again this story resonates particularly with me this morning, because we had something similar happen to us back in April 2023.

Lois and I learned to "text" by texting our two lovely daughters, now both in their mid-to-late-fifties, and we noticed that they tended to end their texts with an "xx". I always assumed that this just meant "end of message", but apparently it means "kisses" - as I now know!!! 

This is what happened. When we moved here to Malvern in 2022, and I still had a busted hip, and was waiting for a replacement operation, we employed a local woman called Amanda to come and mow our lawn and do other little gardening jobs. And I blotted my copy-book (!) by ending my first-ever texts to Amanda with an "xx". 

I tried to smooth it over, and I think I got away with it, because she didn't try to kiss me when she arrived to mow our lawn, and as a matter of fact I don't think she's even looking for a man, be it a WM or any other shade of man (or woman or whatever haha)! If you want to try your luck with her, however, just let me know, and I'll ask her if she's ISO WM NP (= "in search of a white male nesting-partner (!)", or ISO whatever your colour and/or sex and nesting habits are haha!!)

(left) those now-infamous texts in full, and (right) Amanda

mowing our lawn for the first time, without having had a kiss 

from me (!) - how was she feeling? Relieved? Or wondering 

wistfully what might have been?? I think we should be told !!!!

Well, anyway, all things considered, today December 28th was very clearly "accident day", i.e. "one of those days", for pretty much everybody in West Worcestershire, and Lois and I duly had our accident this morning, and what a "humdinger of an accident it was", to put it mildly!

We're going to be selling our house here in Malvern, and this morning we're trying to make it look as nice as possible, because our very first "viewings" are taking place from 11:30 am. And guess what happens? Lois was opening the window blind in one of our guest bedrooms, and managed to rip it completely off its rawl-plugs - what madness!

I always wanted a "strong woman" both as a nesting partner (NP), "and maybe more" (!), and I got one, I'm pleased to say (!). But sometimes Lois really doesn't know her own strength. See picture! It's also featured on page 94 of Onion News, with all the other accidents in the county so far today - so I won't bore you any further any details. [Can I have that in writing please, Colin? - Ed] [Haven't you already got that in my blog here - DO try to keep up !!!! - Colin]

Lois accidentally rips one of our window-blinds off a bedroom 

window, just as prospective buyers are about to arrive 

to view our house. What madness !!!!

No time to fix the blind now, so we hide it in the garden shed and get ready to leave the house in a few minutes. We've booked to have lunch at Malvern's oldest pub, the 16th century Bluebell Inn. And we can safely leave Vicky from our estate agents to show the two couples round our house in our absence. 

It should be okay, because we've hidden away any embarrassing tee-shirts, and all other questionable clothing items or belongings in drawers or cupboards, and taken down any offensive pictures haha!

I start with a G&T, and Lois with a "mocktail", with soup to follow for our starter,

and then sea bass for Lois, and sausage and mash for me - yum yum!

As we eat, we can't help wondering what our first prospective buyers will think of our house, but we'll probably have to wait till Monday for any feedback that estate agent Vicky's been able to get from them. When we get home, however, we go straight to bed without even thinking about the buyers. We're pleasantly full up with drink and food, and we need to recharge our batteries. 

We weren't so lucky last time we moved, from Cheltenham to Malvern, in 2022. The first Saturday after our house in Cheltenham came on the market, there were six couples booked to be shown round on that very first day. So Lois and I had to stay not just out of bed, but out of the whole house all afternoon, which was annoying, to put it mildly!

I look back in my blog and I see that Lois and I tried to while away the time by having lunch at a local pub, a visit to friends, and a walk round a local park, the one featured in 1980's sitcom "Butterflies". You know, the park in Cheltenham where bored housewife Ria used to meet up with her "squeeze", local business-man Leonard?

flashback to May 2022, the day when our previous house in Cheltenham

first came on the market: we had to "kill time", while 6 couples viewed the house,

and we lunched at a local pub, then walked in the local park, where

bored housewife Ria used to meet her "squeeze", Leonard, in "Butterflies" (bottom right)

The most annoying thing of all came just as we were having that pub lunch back in May 2022. I got a call from our estate-agent to say that she had been showing a young couple round our house and garden, and had managed to get herself (and the couple) locked out, so I had to quickly leave my lunch and drive round there to let them in again.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!