Danskcolin: Friday December 13th 2024 "Do YOU sometimes judge people critically, simply because of their age?"

Dear reader, do YOU sometimes judge people critically simply because of their age? Or do you always keep an open mind, avoiding the sin of "ageism", as they call it in these more enlightened times? Most of us avoid "ageism" like the plague these days, don't we, including me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, despite living in the notoriously "un-woke" regions of rural West Worcestershire (!).

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

But times are changing, even here in deepest Malvern, where we admit we live (!). Did you see this morning's Onion News (West Worcestershire) print edition? It "plopped" through our letterbox this morning, and it probably did the same through yours, unless I'm much mistaken (!). Yes, I know it's pretty cold in your hallway, due to an inadequate radiator, but don't mind that! Go and have a look for that paper, and do it now, go on !!!

And guess what? Yes, in this morning's paper there's yet another story (!) about local law firm partner Richard Brogan - you just can't keep that guy out of the local headlines, can you, and poor power to his elbow, Lois and I say!

And Lois and I, who can't believe the fact that we're both 78 years of age now (!), have been looking for a "non-ageist" lawyer recently, by coincidence - one who won't make fun of our somewhat doddery gait and poor IT skills (!), and it seemed like Richard would be "our guy".

me with my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, now both 78,

and occasionally patronised and mocked by the younger "set" here in West

Worcestershire, because of our "doddery gait" and "poor IT" skills (!)

"But why have you been looking for a lawyer, Colin?", I hear you cry!

[Not me, I've already given up on this post! - Ed]

Well, it's all because in the next month or so, we'll be moving from Malvern, in rural West Worcestershire, to a more "stylish" address, 130 miles south-east of here, in Liphook, Hampshire, to be nearer our daughter Alison and family, and we needed to get a lawyer to handle our house purchase over there.

Be that as it may, local "non-ageist-and-proud-of-it" hotshot lawyer Richard "wasn't available" when Lois and I called at his law firm's offices in the lovely Worcestershire village of Upton Snodsbury - upstairs in the flat above with his current 25-year-old "squeeze" maybe, we speculated, but only jokingly (!) - I expect poor Richard had an urgent case at the County Court in Worcester, or something similar, to be charitable (!).

So whatever - in Richard's absence elsewhere, "squeeze or no squeeze" (!), we've had to shell out for a big-city London lawyer, Oliver, instead. What a madness, isn't it !!!!

the house in Liphook that we want to buy, and (right) our big-city London lawyer Oliver

So far, whether Oliver is ageist or not, he hasn't so far mocked our doddery gait (well he hasn't seen us yet!) and he's been patient with me for my poor IT skills.

And today I spend the whole morning and part of the afternoon printing out, like, a billion - or at least 60 anyway (!) - pieces of paper of legal contracts, land registry forms etc and other "bumph", signing them all jointly with Lois, even dragging (not literally (!)) our kind neighbour Mrs Smith from across the street to be a witness; then scanning the billion pieces of paper individually, and emailing them to Oliver. Oliver has to check them before we can post them off to him, which means a trip out to Hanley Swan post office to get them sent off to London by first class mail with end-to-end tracking.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

an excerpt from Royal Mail's useful "Guide to Tracking for the Older Customer"

Like Lois and me ourselves, our printer is both ageing and temperamental, and it only prints things out or scans them if it's "in the mood" - what madness (again) !!

flashback to yesterday: at great personal physical cost and

inky stains both to my hands and face [not shown], I retrieve

a legal document from our ageing printer, which had evidently

decided to "chew this one up" - what madness !!!!

15:00 We return home from the post office an "plop" down on the couch for a bit of "us time". Luckily we can relax with Lois's copy of "The Week" magazine which gives a digest of the week's big stories from home and abroad.

As you can see from the photo below, for its cover story the magazine has gone with the fall of Assad, although arguably there's a far bigger story on the periodical's iconic "What The Scientists Are Saying" page.

Lois's copy of this week's "The Week" magazine, with (right)

the periodical's iconic "What the scientists are saying" page

Have you ever felt sorry in the supermarket when you see a lonely banana in one of the trays on the fruit-and-veg aisle, a banana that for whatever reason hasn't been "accepted" by any of the "bunches" also on display, perhaps because it wasn't "cool"-looking enough or just "not one of us" maybe?

Well there are, like, a billion other shoppers just like you apparently, according to The Week, would you believe!

What a crazy world we live in!!!! [That's quite enough madness for today, Colin, so "can it" if you don't want me to have to up your medication again (!) - Ed]

And on a more serious note, there's also good advice for all of us "old codgers" when it comes to reducing the risk of dementia.

That's all very well, but how can Lois and I enlarge our "temporals"? I do a bit of googling and I find this picture of a woman doing just that. It should be fairly easy for us, because we often make this kind of a gesture anyway if we want to be rude to somebody we don't like on TV, so it's going to be "simples" for us, at any rate (!).

So, yes, "simples" !!!!

included for comparison purposes: the classic vintage "rude gesture"

that Lois and I (both 78) learnt during our youth, the one that we

always make when we see somebody we don't like on the "telly" (!)

Now, at last, we can be rude to people "on the box", and exercise our temporals at the same time, which is a win-win, to put it mildly!

21:00 We wind down for bed with this week's edition of the TV comedy news quiz, "Have I Got News For You"

Despite the Radio Times listing, we don't see Labour MP Dawn Butler on Paul Merton's team, but Dawn has been replaced by the arguably funnier Ed "Always Game For A Laugh" Davey, and, on Ian Hislop's team it's comedian Rachel Parris.

Lois and I didn't know much about new Syrian leader Al-Jolani, so it's nice to hear a bit about the guy who kicked Assad out.

And "Where exactly is Assad and his family going to be sleeping tonight?", Lois and I were asking ourselves earlier today.

And Lois and I didn't know also that there's a special suburb of Moscow earmarked for ex-brutal-dictators, which sounds idea for Assad and his family, which is nice.

Yikes! And what a great setting for a new TV soap, as this week's guest-presenter Stephen Mangan points out. And I think ITV have been looking for a new soap idea to go up against the BBC's popular "Eastenders", haven't they?

Enough said - and Lois and I are looking forward to that one! We're not Eastenders fans anyway, so bring it on! We're gagging for an alternative soap to do our "temporal" exercises to, to put it mildly, and it sounds like "LifeEnders" would give us lots of seedy characters we'd like to make rude gestures to, to put it mildly!

somebody directing rude "temporal exercises' at the "telly" and

[inset] Assad's family appearing in possible new soap "LifeEnders"

[All right, we get the idea! - Ed]

As a soap, "LifeEnders" would certainly beat "Stella Street" into a cocked hat, that's for sure! Do you remember the "Stella Street" soap opera from 20 years ago?

It was based on the lives of all the celebrities who lived in the same "upscale" suburban street in London, where people like actors Michael Caine, spiritual leader of Britain's thousands of "nosey neighbours", plus Hollywood greats like Robert de Niro, Jack Nicholson and even Roger "My name is Bond" Moore, rubbed shoulders with rock stars like Mick Jagger and David Bowie, and with sports commentators like Jimmy Hill.

And if you want an insight into the way true "celebs" really live, there's no better source for your research, no doubt about that!