Danskcolin: Monday December 10th 2024 "Do YOU like tropical fish, but struggle to see any, some days?"

Dear Reader - get ready, brace yourself, there's a rather personal question incoming, right here in this very blog, unless you look away now (!).

Here's the thing: (1) do you like tropical fish? And (2) do you wear glasses? If you answered 'yes' and 'yes' respectively, I think you'll know what's coming next - because there's nothing worse than being a fish-lover with poor eyesight, is there. Am I right? Or am I right (!). And here in lovely Malvern, Worcestershire, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me have to put our hands up and say a double 'yes!', and no mistake (!).

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and me

- just a couple of short-sighted fish-lovers (!)

And if that's the cross YOU TOO have to bear, dear Reader, the I'm happy to exclusively reveal that there's good news on the way from the US of A. The story was "splashed" all over page 94 of Onion News (print edition), which "plopped" through the letterbox: find your copy now, unless it's already been used to wrap up old tea-leaves from the teapot, as my dear late father used to say (!).

Marvellous news for "old codger fish-lovers" like Yours Truly and Lois, that's for sure! Poor sight is always a problem for "old codgers" isn't it. You probably remember that, here in Malvern, Lois and I lead the local U3A "Intermediate Danish" group "for our sins" (!), and that we're currently reading a Danish novel about a 60-something menopausal college art teacher, Ursula, who's taken a young lover, Jay.

Like a lot of older women, Ursula is long-sighted, and she has trouble focussing on Jay in bed, as he tends to look a bit "blurry". However, she also uses her advanced age to her advantage. When Jay turns over and goes to sleep, taking most of the duvet with him, as he inevitably does, Ursula's "hot flushes" keep her warm - a good example of "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", if ever we heard one (!).

11:00 And on our morning "old codger walk" today, Lois and I talk about Ursula's age issues and also the new prescription fish tanks from America. Fish are on our minds today as we walk round the historic local village of Hanley Swan. You probably know Hanley chiefly as the residence of William Burgess, c.1862 - 1910) the local gamekeeper who invented his world-famous alarm gun - the "Burgess" for catching poachers? Ring any bells haha (!).

[Funny? My history teacher never mentioned him. I wonder why (!) - Ed]

us this morning, starting our "old codger walk", starting at

Hanley Swan's historic Post Office and Village Stores

We've been looking forward to wandering round Hanley, guide-book in hand, and reading about the history of some of the local houses, and today we make a start, although we don't get as far as Burgess' house. We do get to look round the Post Office and Village Stores itself, opposite the famous Duck Pond, and also other nearby properties in Hanley Swan.

(left) me showcasing our shiny new guide-book,

and (right) starting our walking tour, guide-book in hand

Today's Village Stores were built in 1838, we read, but started life as a coaching inn, later named "The Coach and Horses". It was a good spot, described at the time as "the best spot between Cheltenham and Malvern, being at the junction of 4 leading thoroughfares, with 4 coaches passing daily, besides omnibuses and other public conveyance to Worcester on market days".

flashback to earlier times: the current Village Stores building in the days

when it was a coaching inn "at the junction of 4 leading thoroughfares"

back to 2024: the former Coaching Inn as it looks today as the Village Stores:

(left) from the front, and (right) from the rear, where the archway (far left on the picture)

was the former passageway for 19th century coaches to enter the coachyard

Fascinating stuff, isn't it! [If you say so! - Ed]

Lois and I have got to keep a lid on our excitement today, because "things are happening" with our plan to move from Malvern, maybe even as early as before Christmas, to a new home 130 miles away, in Liphook, Hampshire, to be near our daughter Alison. Well, we're both 78, and according to a recent one-star TripAdvisor review, "becoming a danger both to themselves and to the wider community". Only joking haha, or am I? - talking point (!).

our projected 130-mile move to be nearer our daughter Alison

flashback to October 30th: we view the house we want in Liphook, Hampshire,

in the company of our elder daughter Alison, who lives with her family in nearby Headley

flashback to October 2023 and that damning TripAdvisor report on Lois and me

dubbing us "a danger both to ourselves and to the wider community".

What nonsense !!!!!

Luckily, Alison's husband, Ed, is a solicitor, and he's come up with a plan for us to move to Hampshire before selling our current house in Malvern, Worcestershire. A downside of this plan, however, is that for a short time we'll be the owners of two houses simultaneously, so will become subject to the Government's hated "double stamp tax" on "fat cat" multiple home-owners. What madness !!!! But hopefully Ed will "sort it" for us .... but we'll see. Watch this space!

14:00 Anyway, so, all-in-all there's plenty for Lois and me to "chew over" as we climb into bed for "nap-time" this afternoon.

And not just the stamp-tax issue. When our daughter Alison first moved to Copenhagen in 2012, with husband Ed and their 3 children, Lois and I started following the local news from Gentofte, the northern Copenhagen suburb where the family settled. And even after they moved back to England in 2019, we've kept up that interest.

Did you read the Zealand Times(Danish: Sjællandske Nyheder) this morning? Most of us did, I'm guessing, especially when we saw the front page with two real "doozies" of a story (!). Am I right, or am I right?!

in bed this afternoon for "nap-time", Lois's Huawei is soon beeping away

like nobody's business, and then my Samsung joins in the fun - what madness!!

Story one (rightmost picture above), is telling Copenhageners to keep their eye on the skies this week, because "a Swedish Christmas tree" will be flying over the metropolitan area, and Story 2 gives news of a new clinic in the Copenhagen suburb of Gentofte, being opened by 2 Danish women, with QUOTE "bones in their noses" and "their a*** in their knickers".

What's that all about eh?

Well it seems weird at first glance, and Lois and I do a bit of quick "delving", not to say "googling" under the bedclothes (as you do!).

It turns out it's not a real Swedish Christmas Tree that will be flying over Copenhagen, just some Swedish jets in a "Swedish Christmas Tree" formation. It's apparently a sign of increased military cooperation between Sweden and Denmark, since Sweden, alarmed by the Russian invasion of Ukraine, decided to join NATO after decades of neutrality.

"red and green" Swedish jets, and the

route they'll be taking this week over Danish airspace

for "Yule Tree Flying" (Danish = Juletræsflyvning)

"But what about those two Danish women who are opening a new skin clinic, the ones with "bone in their noses and their a*** in their knickers, Colin?", I hear you cry.

[Not me, I lost interest about, a like, a billion lines further up this post! - Ed]

Well, apparently, if a woman has "bone in her nose", or as some say, "bone in her balls" (!), it means that she's strong-willed and has her head screwed on, into the bargain. But "her a*** in her knickers" - what's that all about? It's apparently an expression from West Jutland dialect, but Lois and I can't find it on the internet. We're guessing it means that you're "down to earth" maybe? Whatever, I think we should be told.

Annesofie Faurschou (left) and Louise Solhøj Madsen, who are opening

a new skin clinic in the Copenhagen suburbs

Lois and I are both interested in skin clinics at the moment, after reading that if you don't have too many wrinkles you're less likely to get dementia. For the moment we're contenting ourselves with ordering 100 catering packs of Dove from Ocado, the online supermarket. But watch this space!