Well, dear Friends, you've worked hard on answering my daily questions this year, and I'm going to give you an easy one today....
Here it is...coming up...right now!!! Have you finished knitting your this year's Christmas knitted characters for your this year's display? I hope none of you answered "No" or "Not quite, Colin" to that one, because it's already December 4th as you know, and so if you DID say no, better get those knitting needles "clit-clattering" away, before it's too late, to put it mildly !!!!
Veteran Daytime TV presenter Harry Hill, the spiritual leader of Britain's thousands of knitted-character knitters, must be long retired, now, I'm guessing, but for me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, Harry will always be the master in this particular field of knitting - and that's a "cert" (!).
Yes, who can forget Harry's trademark knitted-character, who won fame as Harry's "guest co-presenter", especially at Christmas time?!!
Knitted-Character's TV career was certainly given a kick-start from its exposure during Harry Hill's classic daytime series, "Harry Hill's TV Burp", wasn't it, and at one stage, it looked as if "KC's" acting career also was really "taking off", when it landed a part in popular long-running TV soap "Emmerdale Farm".
Remember this iconic scene from "Emmerdale", the rural Yorkshire soap, where "KC" gets trapped in the local church just as a fire breaks out, sadly perishing in company with several of the cast of BBC Radio's other long-running everyday drama series about country folk, "The Archers"?
And there remain several unanswered questions, don't there, about the fire in the church episode, mysteries that, to this day, have never been fully explained.
Was the BBC trying to offload several of its higher-paid soap actors, both from TV and Radio, so that the corporation could hire Gary Lineker to present its flagship sports programme, Match of the Day?
I think we should be told, don't you?
Be that as it may, memories of knitted characters from our 'golden years' give my wife Lois and me plenty to laugh about when we drop into our local Poolbrook Kitchen and Coffee Shop for our first mince-pie of the pre-Christmas season, after a punishing 4000-step 30-minute "squelch" through the soaking long grass of Poolbrook Common this morning (!).
And did the more eagle-eyed amongst you spot the window display in that picture of Lois (above, centre)? Yes, a bunch of "Christmas knitted characters in search of a stable" - and we're guessing that these little woolly figures are looking out of the window, hoping for the shop's outsourced "knitted-character-knitter" to arrive with her knitted stable? And long overdue, surely!!!
And when we stop laughing, there's plenty more to talk about over our mince pie, that's for sure.
However, I'm choosing not to tell Lois yet the bad news that a 4000-step walk just doesn't "cut it" in today's madcap world. Steve, our American brother-in-law, emails us today with this bombshell report that Lois and I, as two fully-paid-up "old codgers", need to take at least 6000 steps a day each to qualify for a proper "squelch with benefits".
And Steve points out that Lois and I obviously need to "step up" our game, to put it mildly!
But what a crazy world we live in !!!!
It's all a bit of a puzzle too, because Caroline, Lois's online personal trainer, who dishes out diet advice through the iconic "leva" app, has "okayed" a target of 4000 steps a day for Lois. My theory is that Caroline saw our picture in the local press last week, the ones where we were compared unfavourably, and unfairly in my view, with another pair of local old codgers.
Maybe Caroline has concluded that Lois and I are not sufficiently "jacked" to go for a 6000-step day, or at least not just yet. But we'll see!
Steve also in his email updates Lois and me with the current Top Ten of Christmas Cracker jokes, as voted for by readers.
And here's "Colin's pick of the puns" for Christmas 2024 - just feast your eyes (and stimulate your "funny bones" (!)) on these "doozies":
(1) Question: Why will Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? Answer: Because he’s on Ho Ho Hozempic.
and (2) Question: What’s this year's Thames Water advent calendar like? Answer: It’s full of number 2s.
Hahaha! But wait, there's more, and here's the full list - look away now if you don't want any "spoilers" for this year's crop of crackers (!)...
Better than ever this year, aren't they, and that's for sure!!!
And luckily, there's some other happy news for Lois and me to discuss over our mince pie this morning.Did you happen to see this story in that same copy of Onion News as carried those embarrassing pictures of Lois and me in our current "unjacked" (!) state?
Yes, Lois and I gave a little cheer over this "doozy" of a story (see bottom left, above) at the coffee shop this morning, because yes, yet another local couple, the Stringfellows from the lovely Worcestershire village of Nob End, have at last "zeroed in" on what is surely the common-sense answer to their gynaecological problem, a problem that has been talked about a lot here locally during "coffee mornings", in recent weeks and months. Am I right? Or am I right (!). [Get on with it, Colin! - Ed]
All very well for the Stringfellows, but there's a bigger question here too, isn't there. The Stringfellow brood of (at least) 25 - and counting (!) - will be a powerful voting block in the normally safe Conservatives constituency of West Worcestershire in, say, 20 years' time or so.
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