Danskcolin: Wednesday 24 January 2018

08:00 Lois and I go in the shower and get up.

09:00 I have still heard nothing from Ann, the member of the local U3A committee who wanted to come here tomorrow afternoon and sit in on one of our Danish group meetings, as part of the committee's program to monitor local U3A groups and suggest improvements.

Lois and I are a little nervous about her visit and we do not want her to tell us we are leading the group in the wrong way or the like, or that we are breaking the U3A rules in one way or another. And Ann may object to the fact that Jeanette, our Danish friend, who helps us to pronounce the language, is not a member of the U3A, or to the fact that we are reading a Danish novella with explicit sex-scenes.

We are afraid she may try to suspend us. If there is any trouble, we have planned to declare unilateral independence from the U3A committee and go it alone with our small group ha ha ha! (the affair known in the United States as "U3Aexit").

09:30 It's raining heavily. Lois walks around the corner to Billie Shears, the local hairdresser's - she has an appointment with James, her hairdresser. She comes back at 10 o'clock.

11:30 We listen a little to the radio, a fun program in which 45-year-old Victoria Coren-Mitchell, our favorite tv-quiz hostess, interviews Britain's only Danish-born lesbian TV presenter and comedian, 59-year-old Sandi Toksvig.

Victoria Coren Mitchell and Danish-born Sandi Toksvig

The two women have a good chemistry - Sandi was close friends with Victoria's father, the humorist Alan Coren. Sandi and Alan often traveled together on tours around the UK and often stayed in the same hotel. One evening they were in Alan's room, sitting and watching television. Sandi said to Alan, "We're just like an old married couple, Alan, except that we don't have sex." "No," Alan replied, "We're just like an old married couple."

Midway through the program, Victoria wants to ask Sandi about her Danish roots. She introduces this part of the interview with the words "Unlike Greenland, Sandi, you are famous for your Danishness..." which draws hearty laughter and a big round of applause from the audience.

Victoria asks Sandi if she believes that Denmark is culturally similar to Britain.

Sandi answers, "No, every country has its own unique cultural identity. The British sense of humor is unique and is something that the British should be very proud of. The Danish sense of humor is very different, but strangely enough it was a Dane, Dirch Passer, who inspired me to go in for comedy. "

When Sandi was a child, her father took her to an old-fashioned revue in Tivoli, Copenhagen. Dirch came out on stage with a yoyo. He just looked at the audience and didn't say anything. He held the yoyo in his hand and just ran it repeatedly down and up on the string. Finally he looked at the audience and said simply, "This would be a rubbish gift for a pygmy." Typical Danish humor, says Sandi.

Danish is what is called a "peasant language", she says: it has far fewer words than English, which has more than 1 million words. The Danes have one word for everything they need (apart from the 20 words for herring). The result is that there is very little word-play in Danish.

12:00 We continue listening to the radio, an interesting series all about mazes, riddles, crosswords, etc. through the ages. Tonight they're airing the 3rd part of 5 dealing with recreational mathematics, i.e. math for having fun or for making it interesting and memorable for children.

Pseudo-math games such as tic-tac-toe / noughts and crosses, or primitive forms of backgammon are thousands of years old, it seems, and archaeologists discover them from time to time in the form of ancient graffiti.

It's nice to hear the satirical singer Tom Lehrer again (on CD) with his song, "Hooray for New Math":

Hooray for New Math

New-hoo-hoo Math

It won't do you a bit of good to review Math

It's so simple

So very simple

That only a child can do it!

In Babylonian mathematics, everything was based on the number 60 and that's why there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 360 degrees in a circle, etc. Math knows no boundaries, and the Greeks borrowed the number 60 idea from the Babylonians, and again Tom Lehrer has a song for the occasion:

I got it from Agnes,

She got it from Jim,

We all agree it must have been

Louise who gave it to him.

She got it from Harry,

Who got it from Marie,

And everybody knows that Marie

Got it from me ....

The program ends with an interesting problem. Chris possesses only white and black socks. There are 4 socks left in his drawer. He pulls 2 socks out at random. The chances of getting 2 white socks out are 50%. How much would the chances have been to get 2 black socks out?

My "quickie" solution: we know there are at least 2 white socks in the drawer. If there are exactly 2 white and 2 black socks, the chances of pulling 2 white ones out are only ½ x 1/3 = 1/6. Therefore, there must be more than 2 white socks in the drawer, and so the chances of pulling 2 black socks out are zero - game over.

13:00 Lunch and afterwards a giant afternoon nap.

17:00 Ann, the member of the local U3A committee calls me. She asks me where the closest bus stop is to our house and does not mention any of the questions I put to her in my email. There has been a massively mysterious atmosphere surrounding her visit from start to finish. I just hope there will be no trouble tomorrow - yikes!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening listening to the radio and watching some television. First we listen to the exciting and atmospheric second part of a new crime series set in Sweden (or maybe Norway: Lois and I'm not quite sure).

The program opens with an incredibly powerful and atmospheric monologue from the narrator.

"It started snowing. The snow was falling again. Here on the Njalsland peninsular in the northern corner of Sweden. The snow always fell. It never rose, or arrived horizontally. Always down, as if to say, ‘Look down. Below your shoes. That is where you will be, one day. In the cold cold earth’.

Inspector Knut Angström and investigative reporter Mina Oblong drove over the cold cold earth. Never looking down. Never seeing death. The arms of the windscreen wipers waved the white flakes away, only for more white flakes to come, like a restaurant that, against the diners’ wishes, serves relentless haddock."

Lois and I agree that this is without doubt a brilliant start to the third episode. In fact, the rest of the episode has in many ways become a bit redundant, we think.

21:00 We turn off the radio and watch some television. An interesting documentary film (3rd part of 3), about Miriam Margoyles, a famous 76-year-old English-Australian Jewish lesbian actress, and her recent trip through the US Midwest, where she talked to a lot of local residents.

Lois and I feel a microscopic connection with Miriam: she was born in the city of Oxford, just like us. She went to Oxford High School where my little sister Gill went and she was a classmate of Lois's lifelong friend, Jen.

We also spotted her once on a Eurostar train to Paris in the 1990s - she was in the same passenger car, and at one point we saw her sneaking out to one of the train's many toilets - goodness how exciting!

An interesting program. For me, the most interesting aspect is to see Miriam in East Texas, where the Big Bang Theory's Sheldon comes from. Miriam stays a few days with Dr. Doug Flanders, his wife, Jennifer, and their 12 children, in Tyler City, a charming (and large), Christian family.

Jennifer is more vocal than Doug, but she believes that the Bible tells wives to submit to their men. Jennifer teaches all her children at home, because the schools teach the evolutionary theory (homeschooling mothers teach 1.5 million American children).

They voted for Trump, and agreed with him in his desire to make the United States great again. Jennifer tells Miriam that it's like the flight attendants who ask passengers to put on their own oxygen masks first, before trying to help others, which makes sense, as long as this is actually what Trump's motivation is of course. This sincere, honest woman seems to live on a different planet from Trump, so the jury is still out on that one, as far as Lois and I are concerned.

Fascinating, and I feel that I can now laugh more heartily but with a tear in the eye, when Sheldon talks about his "roots" ha ha ha!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Lois og jeg går i bad og står op.

09:00 Jeg har stadig hørt intet fra Ann, medlemmet af det lokale U3A-udvalg, der ønskede at komme hos os i morgen eftermiddag og overvære ét af vores danske gruppes møder, som del af udvalgets program for at overvåge lokale U3A grupper og forslå forbedringer.

Lois og jeg er lidt nervøse for hendes besøg, og vi vil ikke have hende til at fortælle os, vi styrer vores møder på den forkerte måde, eller noget lignende, eller at vi bryder U3A-reglerne på en eller anden måde. Og det kan være, at Ann indvende mod, at Jeanette, vores danske ven, der hjælper os med at udtale sproget, ikke er medlem af U3A, eller det, at vi er i gang med at læse en dansk kriminovelle med eksplicitte sexscener.

Vi er bange for, at hun forsøger at suspendere os. Hvis der er noget ballade, har vi planlagt at erklære ensidig uafhængighed fra U3A-udvalget, og gå den alene med vores lille gruppe ha ha ha! (den krise kendt i USA som ”U3Aexit”).

09:30 Det regner kraftigt. Lois går hen rundt om hjørnet til Billie Shears, den lokale frisørforretning – hun har aftale hos James, sin damefrisør. Hun kommer tilbage kl 10.

11:30 Vi lytter lidt til radio, et morsomt program, hvor 45-årige Victoria Coren-Mitchell, vores yndlings-tvquiz’ værtinde, interviewer Storbritanniens eneste dansk-fødte, lesbiske tv-vært, 59-årige Sandi Toksvig.

Victoria Coren-Mitchell og Sandi Toksvig

De to kvinder har en god kemi – Sandi var perlevenner med Victorias far, humoristen Alan Coren. Sandi og Alan rejste ofte sammen på turnéer rundt omkring i Storbritannien og ofte boede på samme hotellet. En aften var de i Alans værelse, siddende og seende på tv. Sandi sagde til Alan, ”vi er lige som et gammelt ægtepar, Alan, bortset fra, at vi ikke har sex.” ”Nej”, svarede Alan, ”vi er lige som et gammelt ægtepar.”

Midtvejs i programmet har Victoria lyst til at spørge Sandi om hendes danske rødder. Hun indleder denne del af interviewet med ordene, ”Ulig Grønland, Sandi, er du berømt for din danskhed...”, hvilket trækker hjertelig latter og en kraftig runde af bifald fra publikummet.

Victoria spørger Sandi, om hun tror, at tror at Danmark er kulturelt ligeledes til Storbritannien?

Sandi svarer, ”Nej, hvert land har sin egen unikke kulturelle identitet. Den britiske sans for humor er unik og er noget, som briterne burde være meget stolte af. Den danske sans for humor er meget anderledes, men mærkeligt nok var det en dansker, Dirch Passer, der inspirerede mig til at gå ind for komedie.”

Sandis far tog hende med til en gammeldags revue i Tivoli. Dirch kom ud på scenen med en yoyo. Han kiggede bare på publikummet, og sagde ikke noget. Han holdt yoyoen i hånden og rykkede den bare således et trissen løb gentagende gange ned og op på snoren. Endelig så han på publikummet og sagde bare, ”denne ville være en elendig gave til en pygmæ”. Typisk dansk humor, siger Sandi.

Dansk er hvad man kalder et ”bonde-sprog”: det har langt færre ord, end engelsk, som har mere, end 1 million ord. Danskerne har 1 ord for alt, hvad de har brug for (bortset fra de 20 ord for sild). Resultatet er, at der er meget lidt ordspil på dansk.

12:00 Vi fortsætter med at lytte til radio, en interessant serie, der handler om labyrinter, gåder, krydsogtværser osv gennem alderne. I aften sender de en 3. del af 5, der handler om rekreativ matematik, eller matematik for at have det sjovt eller for at gøre den interessant og mindeværdig for børn.

Pseudo-matematiske spil, som for eksempel kryds-og-boller eller primitive former for triktrak, er tusindvis af år gamle, lader det til, og arkæologer opdager dem fra tid til anden i form af graffitti.

Det er rart at høre den satiriske sanger Tom Lehrer igen (på cd) med hans sang, ”Hooray for new math”:

Hooray for New Math
New-hoo-hoo Math
It won't do you a bit of good to review Math
It's so simple
So very simple
That only a child can do it!

I babylonisk matematik var alting baseret på tallet 60, og derfor er der 60 sekunder i et minut, 60 minutter i en time, 360 grader i en cirkel osv. Matematikken kender ingen grænser, og Grækerne lånede tallet 60-ideen fra babylonierne, og igen har Tom Lehrer en sang til anledningen:

I got it from Agnes,

She got it from Jim,

We all agree it must have been

Louise who gave it to him.

She got it from Harry,

Who got it from Marie,

And everybody knows that Marie

Got it from me….

Programmet ender med et interessant problem. Chris har kun hvide sokker og sorte sokker. Der er 4 sokker tilbage i hans skuffe. Han trækker 2 sokker ud på lykke og fromme. Chancerne for at få 2 hvide sokker er 50%. Hvor meget ville chancerne have været for at få 2 sorte sokker?

Min ”quickie” løsning: vi ved, at der i det mindste er 2 hvide sokker i skuffen. Hvis der er præcis 2 hvide og 2 sorte sokker, er chancerne for at trække 2 hvide ud kun ½ x 1/3 = 1/6. Derfor må der være flere end 2 hvide sokker i skuffen, så chancerne for at få 2 sorte sokker er nul – game over.

13:00 Frokost og bagefter en gigantisk eftermiddagslur.

17:00 Ann, medlemmet af det lokale U3A-udvalg ringer til mig. Hun spørger mig, hvor det nærmeste busstoppested til vores hus er og nævner ikke noget af de spørgsmål, jeg stillede til hende i min email. Der har været fra start til slut en massivt mysteriøs stemning, der omgiver hendes besøg. Jeg håber bare, der i morgen ikke er noget ballade – yikes!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at lytte til radio og se lidt fjernsyn. det spændende og stemningsskabende andet afsnit af en ny krimiserie, der udspiller sig i Sverige (eller måske Norge: det er Lois og jeg ikke helt sikre på).

Programmet åbner med en utrolig kraftig og stemningsskabende monolog fra beretteren.

” Det begyndte at sne. Sneen faldt igen. Her på Njalslands halvø i det nordlige hjørne af Sverige. Sneen faldt altid. Det steg aldrig eller kom horisontalt. Altid ned, som om at sige, kig ned. Under dine sko. Det er her du vil være, en dag. I den kolde kolde jord.

Inspektør Knut Angström og undersøger reporteren Mina Oblong kørte over den kolde kolde jord. Kiggende aldrig ned. Seende aldrig døden. Vindueviskerne viskede de hvide flager væk, men flere hvide flager kom bare, som en restaurant, der imod gæsternes ønsker serverede kuller i en uendelighed.”

Lois og jeg er enige om, at dette er uden tvivl en brilliant start på det 3. afsnit. Resten af afsnittet er faktisk på mange måder blevet lidt overflødig, synes vi.

21:00 Vi slukker for radioen og ser lidt fjernsyn. De viser en interessant dokumentarfilm (3. del af 3), der handler om Miriam Margoyles, en berømt 76-årig engelsk-australsk jødiske lesbiske skuespillerinde, og hendes nylige rejse i USAs midtvest, hvor hun snakkede med en masse lokale indbyggere.

Lois og jeg føler en mikroskopisk forbindelse med Miriam: hun er født i byen Oxford, ligesom os. Hun gik i Oxford High School, hvor min lillesøster Gill gik, og hun var en klassekammerat af Lois’s livslange veninde, Jen.

Også vi spottede hende på en Eurostar-tog til Paris i 1990’erne – hun var i samme personvognen, og vi så hende på et tidspunkt smutte på et af togets mange toiletter – du godeste, hvor spændende!

Et interessant program. For mig er det det mest interessante aspekt at se Miriam i Øst-Texas, hvor Big Bang Theorys Sheldon kommer fra. Hun bor et par dage hos dr. Doug Flanders, hans kone, Jennifer, og deres 12 børn, i Tyler City, en charmerende (og stor), kristen familie.

Jennifer er mere højrøstet end Doug, men hun tror på, at bibelen beder koner til at underkaste sig til deres mænd. Jennifer underviser alle sine børn derhjemme, på grund af, at skolerne underviser evolutionsteorien (hjemmeskolende mødre underviser 1,5 millioner amerikanske børn). De stemte på Trump, og enige med ham i hans ønske om at gøre USA stor igen. Jennifer fortæller Miriam, at det er ligesom stewardesserne, der beder passagerne at tage deres egne iltmasker på først, inden de prøver at hjælpe andre, hvilket ligesom giver mening, hvis det faktisk er Trumps ønske også selvfølgelig. Men det er juryen stadig ude om, hvad angår Lois og mig! Trump virker at bo på en anderledes planet, end denne ærlige, oprigtige kvinde.