Danskcolin: Monday 22 January 2018

07:30 We get up early. We forgot that Ross is arriving today at 9:30am to clean the carpet, the couch and the armchairs. I get going with clearing up the living room and vacuuming. And I have to remove everything from the living room that's standing on the carpet, except for the couch, the 2 armchairs, and the television, and move them all into the dining room. Good grief, no peace for the wicked !!!

10:15 Ross arrives 45 minutes later than agreed (as usual) and he starts cleaning the carpet. Lois and I (and Minx, Alison's cat) are relegated to the dining room, which is crowded out with small items of furniture from the living room - oh dear!

I prepare a Danish vocabulary test that I want our U3A Danish group members to take on Thursday when the next meeting of the group takes place here. The correct answers spell out the sentence, "Bad weather looks worse through a window" (Danish proverb of unknown origin). By the way, the correct answers to our Danish group's new vocabulary test are top secret until Thursday at 3pm, needless to say ha ha ha !!!

The identity of the proverb is top secret, so I cannot discuss it with Lois, but I have the feeling that there could be a grain of truth in it. Who can forget Paul Simon's famous lyrics:

If it had not been raining, poor Paul could have pulled himself together, gone out and waited in the line for burgers maybe, but I'm not entirely sure about that. I will discuss with Lois after Thursday when the proverb has been declassified.

11:00 I send an email to Ann, a member of the local U3A committee. She sent me an email a few days ago and said she wanted to sit in on one of our Danish group meetings as part of the committee's program to monitor local U3A groups and suggest improvements. She has accepted my invitation to attend our next group meeting, which will be taking place here on Thursday.

Lois and I are a little nervous about her visit and we do not want her to tell us we are running meetings in the wrong way or the like, or that we are breaking the U3A rules in one way or another. If there is any trouble, we have planned to declare unilateral independence from the U3A committee and go it alone with our little group ha ha ha. The debate on this issue has become known as "U3Aexit" in the USA, according to Steve, my American brother in law.

Jeanette, our Danish friend, who helps us to pronounce Danish better is not a U3A member, and I'm a little afraid that Ann may make a fuss about that on Thursday so I send Ann an email, in which I come clean and admit that Jeanette is not a member. More than that, I cannot do.

As the headlines say, I already have a plan

to "leave" U3A with my little Danish group

12:00 I take a little look online. The White House is anxious that the public know that President Trump was working hard this weekend in the midst of a partial state shutdown. To this end, it featured a picture of Trump sitting at a desk, with a phone at his ear, in the Oval Office, "receiving the latest updates from Capitol Hill on negotiations to end the "Democrats' government shutdown ", according to the White House.

Trump hard at work during the partial government shut-down

However, many Twitter users got a different impression from the picture, and the question was asked as to whether he really was working at the time it was taken.

"Honestly, this looks like somebody's first time using a phone and a chair," wrote one tweeter.

"An emerging trend is that Trump and his staff have no idea how to stage photos to make it seem like he's actually working," someone else tweeted.

"I too conduct my most important work with a phone in my hand and nothing on my desk while staring vacantly off into space," wrote another Twitter user.

I agree with the 3rd Twitter user. I remember that when we were on holiday in Norfolk a couple of years ago, visiting a museum in Thetford, I popped into the museum's office to keep in touch with world leaders.

Flashback to October 2014: even on vacation in the county of Norfolk

I always kept in touch with world leaders

13:00 Lunch and afterwards a giant afternoon nap.

15:00 We relax with a cup of tea and a piece of carrot cake. Ross is still in the living-room busy cleaning the carpet, couch and armchairs. Lois and I have been confined all day to the dining room and the bedroom. Every now and then we suspect that he is almost finished and possibly beginning to pack up his equipment, but then we hear more of his electronic sounds starting up again. Damn! It all seems like a big waste of time.

But it will be nice to see the carpet clean again, especially given that our Danish group's next meeting will be taking place on Thursday in the living room, with Ann, member of the local U3A leadership, as our distinguished guest in attendance.

The worst thing is that we cannot use the living room tonight either, because the carpet has to get dry - damn (again)! We only have one television and it's in the living room so tonight we will have to look at the computer in the dining room instead.

17:30 Ross is finally done and we pay him (£246). My god, 8 hours of our lives we will never get back ha ha ha !!!

18:00 We have dinner and then Lois has to go out. She wants to attend the monthly meeting of the local historical society taking place this evening in the Women's Institute Hall. Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to go with her after the chaos of the day, with Ross and his carpet cleaning etc - poor me! But Lois is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, as usual: the stronger sex, and all that.

20:00 I have a little alone time and listen to the radio, an interesting program (2nd part of 2) all about satire and humor in the Soviet Union. The host of the program is the charming English stand-up comedian, Viv Groskop, who lived in Russia in the 1990s.

Viv Groskop

An interesting program. Listeners hear from (among others) Pussy Riot's Maria Aljokhina.

Pussy Riot's Maria Aljokhina

I hear a lot of typically bitter Russian jokes dating from the Communist era, also from Russia since then. It seems that under Putin's regime things have got back to "normal" after a short period of artistic freedom - oh dear!

I can remember a couple of the jokes: a man who has been standing for several hours in the meat queue finally gives up and says, "I've had enough of standing here, I'm going to go off and kill Gorbachev." But he comes back a few hours later, and says dejectedly to the others: "It was hopeless - the queue for killing Gorbachev is even longer".

And an "anecdote": the politbureau decided to organize an artistic competition for a painting to celebrate Lenin's visit to Finland. They invited a number of entries, and a certain artist won, went away and painted her painting, brought it back and it was hung up behind a curtain in preparation for official unveiling.

The great day of unveiling came. All the country's powerful politicians sat in rows in front of the curtain, quivering with expectation.

When the curtain was pulled back, there was revealed a picture of a man and a woman in bed together, lost in a tight clinch. The artist offered to answer any questions from the audience.

One politician said, "Who is the woman in the painting?" The artist explained that it was Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya (Lenin's wife).

Another politician said, "And who is the man?" The artist replied, "It's Lev Davidovich Trotsky",

A collective gasp was heard from the audience. Then someone said, "Well, where is Lenin?". And the artist shook her head and said, "Lenin? Lenin is in Finland."

The Russian sense of humour is unique, no doubt about that!

21:00 Lois comes back and we chat a little about the meeting she took part in [meeting of the local historical community - Ed.]. Tonight. Barry, a local man, gave an interesting talk about Swindon Village, which borders Prestbury, where Lois and I live.

Lois says she heard that Richard III and thousands of his men marched down Swindon Lane (only 1 mile from our home) and then along Dogbark Lane (believed to have got its name from wolves who lived round there hundreds of years ago), on their way to the Battle of Tewkesbury (1471). How fascinating.

The nearby Dogbark Lane, where Richard III marched

with thousands of his men in 1471.
What madness! The M5 motorway is much quicker.

22:00 We are exhausted. We go to bed - zzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation

07:30 Vi står tidligt op. Vi glemte, at Ross kommer i dag kl 9:30 for at rense gulvtæppet, sofaen og lænestoler. Jeg går i gang med at rydde op i stuen og støvsuge. Og jeg skal fjerne alt fra stuen, der står på gulvtæppet, bortset fra sofaen, de 2 lænestole, og fjernsynet, og rykke dem i spisestuen. Du godeste, ingen fred for de ugudelige!!!

10:15 Ross kommer, 45 minutter senere, end aftalt (som sædvanligt) og han går i gang med at rense gulvtæppet. Lois og jeg (og Minx, Alisons kat) bliver forvist til spisestuen, der er propfyldt af små møbler fra stuen – uha!

Jeg går i gang med at udarbejde en danske ordforrådtest, som jeg vil have vores U3A danske gruppes medlemmer til at tage på torsdag, når gruppens næste møde finder sted hos os. De rigtige svar staver sætningen, ”Dårlig vejr ser værre ud gennem et vindue” (ordsprog af ukendt oprindelse). I øvrigt er de rigtige svar på vores danske gruppes nye ordforrådtest tophemmelige indtil torsdag kl 15, unødvendigt at sige ha ha ha!!!

Ordsproget er tophemmeligt, så jeg kan ikke diskutere det med Lois, men jeg har på fornemmelsen, at der kunne være et gran sandhed i det. Hvem kan glemme Paul Simons berømte tekst:

Hvis det ikke havde ikke været regnvejr, kunne stakkels Paul have taget sig sammen, gået ud og ventet i køen efter burgers måske, men det er jeg ikke helt sikker på. Jeg vil diskutere med Lois efter torsdag, når ordsproget er blevet deklassificeret.

11:00 Jeg sender en mail to Ann, et medlem af det lokale U3A-udvalg. Hun sendte mig en email for nogle dage siden, og sagde, at hun ønskede at komme og overvære et af vores danske gruppes møder, som del af udvalgets program for at overvåge lokale U3A grupper og forslå forbedringer. Hun har accepteret min invitation til at deltage i vores næste gruppemøde, der finder sted på torsdag hos os.

Lois og jeg er lidt nervøse for hendes besøg, og vi vil ikke have hende til at fortælle os, vi styrer vores møder på den forkerte måde, eller noget lignende, eller at vi bryder U3A-reglerne på en eller anden måde. Hvis der er noget ballade, har vi planlagt at erklære ensidig uafhængighed fra U3A-udvalget, og gå den alene med vores lille gruppe ha ha ha. Debatten om dette spørgsmål er blevet kendt som ”U3Aexit” i USA, ifølge Steve, min amerikanske svigerbror.

Jeanette, vores danske ven, der hjælper os med at udtale dansk bedre, er ikke et U3A-medlem, og jeg er lidt bange for, at Ann laver en ballade om det på torsdag, så jeg sender hende en email, hvor jeg går til bekendelse og indrømmer, at Jeanette er ikke medlem. Mere end det kan jeg ikke.

Som overskrifterne lyder, har jeg allerede en plan

om at træde ud af U3A sammen med min lille danske gruppe

12:00 Jeg kigger lidt på nettet. Det Hvide Hus vil gerne have offentligheden at vide, at præsident Trump arbejdede hårdt i weekenden midt i en delvis statsnedlukning. Til det formål udgav det et billede af Trump, der sad ved et skrivebord, med en telefon til hans øre, i Oval Office og "modtog de seneste opdateringer fra Capitol Hill til forhandlinger for at afslutte ”demokraternes regeringsnedlukning”, ifølge Det Hvide Hus.

Trump i weekenden stadig på arbejde under den delvis statsnedlukning

Imidlertid fik mange Twitter-brugere et andet indtryk fra billedet og blev spurgt, om han virkelig arbejdede på det tidspunkt, den blev taget.

"Ærligt ser det ud som en persons første gang med en telefon og en stol", skrev en tweeter.

"En fremadgående trend er, at Trump og hans medarbejdere ikke har den fjerneste anelse om, hvordan man fotograferer for at få det til at virke som om han rent faktisk arbejder," en anden tweetede.

"Jeg gennemfører også det meste af mit vigtigste arbejde med en telefon i min hånd og intet på mit skrivebord, mens jeg stirrer ledigt ud i rummet", skrev en anden Twitter-bruger.

Jeg er enig med den 3. Twitter-bruger. Jeg mindes, at da vi for et par år siden var på ferie i Norfolk og var i gang med at besøge et museum i byen Thetford, smuttede jeg ind i museets kontor for at holde kontakten i telefon med verdens ledere.

Tilbageblik til oktober 2014: på ferie i grevskabet Norfolk

holder jeg altid kontakten med verdens ledere

13:00 Frokost og bagefter en gigantisk eftermiddagslur.

15:00 Vi slapper af med en kop te og et stykke gulerodskage. Ross er stadig i stuen i gang med at rense gulvtæppet, sofaen og lænestoler. Lois og jeg er blevet begrænset hele dagen til spisestuen og soveværelset. Nu og da mistænker vi, at han er næsten færdigt og begynde måske at pakke sit udstyr ind, men så hører vi flere af hans elektroniske lyde starte igen. Pokkers! Det hele virker som et stort spild af tid.

Men det bliver rart at se gulvtæppet rent igen, i sær i betragtning af, at vores danske gruppes næste møde finder sted på torsdag i stuen, med Ann, medlem af det lokale U3A-lederskab, som vores fremtrædende gæst til stede.

Det værste er, at vi heller ikke kan bruge stuen i aften, fordi gulvtæppet skal tørres – pokkers (igen)! Vi har kun et fjernsyn og det er i stuen, så vi bliver nødt til at se på computeren i spisestuen i stedet.

17:30 Ross er endelig færdig og vi betaler ham (246£). Du godeste, 8 timer af vores liv, som vi aldrig vil have igen ha ha ha!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og derefter skal Lois ud. Hun ønsker at deltage i det lokale historiske samfunds månedlige møde, der finder sted i aften i Women’s Institute-hallen. Jeg er desværre ikke veloplagt til at gå med hende efter dagens kaos med Ross og hans gulvtæpperensning osv – stakkels mig! Men Lois er frisk og frejdig, som sædvanligt: det stærkere køn, og alt det der.

20:00 Jeg har lidt alenetid og lytter lidt til radio, et interessant program, (2. del af 2), der handler om satire og humor i sovjetunionen. Programmets vært er den charmerende engelske stand-up komiker, Viv Groskop, der i 1990’erne boede i Rusland.

Viv Groskop

Et interessant program. Jeg hører fra (blandt andet) Pussy Riots Maria Aljokhina.

Pussy Riots Maria Aljokhina

Jeg hører en masse typisk bitre russiske vittigheder, der daterer fra den kommuniste æra også Rusland siden da. Det lader til, at under Putins regering har tingene vendt tilbage til ”det normale”, efter en kort periode af kunstnerisk frihed – uha!

Jeg kan huske et par stykker: en mand, der har stået i flere timer i kødkøen, giver endeligt op, og siger, ”Jeg har fået nok af at stå her, jeg skal af sted for at dræbe Gorbachev”. Men han kommer tilbage et par timer senere, og taler deprimeret med de andre: ”det var håbløst – køen efter at dræbe Gorbachev er endnu længere”.

Og en ”anekdote”: politibureauet besluttede at organisere en kunstnerisk konkurrence om et maleri for at fejre Lenins besøg i Finland. De bad om en række forslag, og en vis kunstner vandt, gik væk og malede sit maleri, bragte det tilbage og det blev hængt op under et forhæng i forberedelse på den officielle afsløring.

Den stor afsløringsdag kom. Alle landets magtfulde politikere sad i rækker foran forhænget, sitrende af forventning.

Da forhænget blev trukket tilbage, blev det afsløret et billede af en mand og en kvinde i seng sammen, i uforstyrrelig clinch. Kunstneren tilbød at besvare spørgsmål.

Den ene politiker sagde, ”Hvem er kvinden i maleriet?” Kunstneren forklarede, at det var Nadezhda

Konstantinovna Krupskaya (Lenins kone).

En anden politiker sagde, ”Og hvem er manden?” Kunstneren svarede, "Det er Lev Davidovich Trotsky",

Et kollektiv gisp lød fra publikummet. En eller anden sagde: "Nå hvor er Lenin?". Og kunstner rystede på hovedet og svarede, "Lenin? Lenin er i Finland.”

Den russiske humoristiske sans er helt unik, ingen tvivl om det!

21:00 Lois kommer tilbage og vi snakker lidt om mødet, hun i aftes har deltaget i [det lokale historiskes samfunds møde – red.]. Barry, en lokal mand holdt en interessant tale om Swindon-landsby, der grænser op til Prestbury, hvor Lois og jeg bor.

Lois siger at Richard 3. (af England) og tusindvis af sine mænd marcherede ad Swindon Lane (der ligger kun 1 mile fra vores hjem) og så ad Dogbark Lane (man tror, navnet stammede fra ulve, der boede deromkring for hundredvis af år siden), på vej til slaget ved Tewkesbury (1471). Hvor fascinerende.